El Dolor de una perdida...

Bueno, Y estoy de vuelta otra vez, después de 3 meses, sin escribir nada aquí...

Muchas cosas Han cambiado en mi vida...

Quería escribir esta entrada de blog, y en Inglés también... 

tal vez para sacar de mi todos mis sentimientos...

Esos sentimientos cuando alguien que querías se muere... (Dios! es difícil tan solo decirlo) puede ser también, para algunas persona, la pérdida de una amistad, o incluso la perdida de una mascota, o algo que realmente considerabas valioso para ti.

Incluso cuándo sabías que te llegaría en algún momento...

Incluso cuándo aún no lo has aceptado del todo, que ella/el te ha dejado. Después de horas, días, meses, años!!

Este sentimiento cuándo, te encuentras a ti mismo, llorando, esas lagrimas cayendo...

Despertando y encontrarte con la realidad..

levantándote, pero no quieres...

Cuándo toda la noche estuviste pensando en ello, y no has dormido bien...

te sientes cansado, triste, melancólico, y con las ganas de agarrar todo y tirarlo al infierno...

Ese sentimiento, cuándo tu mundo se viene abajo...

Incluso cuándo yo tengo una esperanza, pero esta esperanza, tan solo te deja...

Tienes que levantarte e ir a trabajar, pero no quieres...

tampoco estar en la casa, y sentirte mas deprimido y vació...

ese sentimiento, cuándo piensas que nadie más te entiende,

Cuándo quieres estar solo, pero, no quieres!

Cuándo no quieres hablar, pero, tal vez si quieres...

Pero, es imposible describir todos esos sentimientos... porque, simplemente, es imposible!!!

Tal vez, es tan duro, y continuara siéndolo..

Si! Estoy hablando acerca de esa pérdida, para mi, esa persona que se murió el 24 de octubre del 2012.

Últimos dias, aaaahh!! Tan duros.. Tan dolorosos..

Últimos dias, Cuándo yo quería decirle cuánto la amaba en toda mi vida...

Últimos dias, cuándo solo quería estar con ella...

Últimos dias, cuándo mi consciencia me decía, que hubiera pasado mas tiempo con ella...

Últimos dias, cuándo cada pequeño recuerdo viene a tu mente...

Últimos dias, cuándo te sientes culpable de algo.. incluso, no sabes qué es...

Sí, esos dias.. Cuándo sabes que se acerca.. no quieres.. y lo pasarás... lo quieras o no...

Luego, recibes la llamada, en el momento que menos esperabas, te encuentras a ti mismo solo, llorando, o Tal vez no, no sabes que hacer.. esa mañana, a la 1:28 de la madrugada.. Escuchando de mi hermana aquellas palabras que yo nunca quería siquiera escuchar en mi estúpida vida... esa llamada.. esta allí . Ahora, la realidad ...

Y piensas, ¿Por qué? Y empiezas a lamentarte, ¿Por qué no la fui a ver  ayer? Y empiezas a pensar, no sabes si llorar, o simplemente quééé!?? Te sientes desesperado, tu mundo se te viene encima... tienes miedo.. Una mezcla de sentimientos, allí juntos...

Luego, es el momento.. Aunque No quieras.. 
Allí esta toda la familia, algunos llorando, otros confundidos, y otros, simplemente como si nada.. Miras a tus parientes cercanos,  y viniendo al cuarto dónde yace ella...

Están mis abuelos, mis tíos, los tíos de mi mamá...

Mi hermosa bisabuelita, allí, yaciendo en su cama donde ella descansa...

Me quedé en alguna punta del cuarto.. solo viéndola a ella... con una sábana cubriendo su bello cuerpo...

''¡¡Oh mi Mamagüisha!! Cómo... NO! no puede estar pasando.. No! Dios, Por favor!'' pensando en mi mente.. 

En mi silencio, mi mente estaba pensando, y pensando ¿Por quéé?? incluso yo sabiendo que iba a pasar...

Eso fue muy duro.. entonces, solo me quede y si, lloré, pero no sabía cómo sentirme..

Le envié 1 mensaje a dos amigas cercanas.. y de algún modo, me sentí un poquito, tan solo un poquito, mejor..

Ayudé a mi familia, fui con mi abuelita, mamá, hermana y mi papá, y otros a comprar cosas que se usarían en el velorio.. pensando en el camino en todo eso.. y no pude sonreír toda esa mañana, y vi algunas personas incluso riendo, y pensé, como pueden ellos reír, y sonreír cuando ella se murió? cuándo no podré ir a su casa, y darle un abrazo, y visitarla?? comooooo??

En la tarde, algunas personas vinieron al funeral, y yo tan solo quería desaparecer, ni siquiera sabía como sentirme.. Aún hasta el día de hoy, no se como sentirme acerca de esto...

Fui a casa, y no pude dormir bien..

SIGUIENTE DÍA  ooh Dios!! El día más duro.. El funeral.. Yo nunca, nunca en mi vida había sentido ese sentimiento.. cuando te das cuenta, que será el último día que ella estará es su casa.. el último día de vida..!! digo, ella nunca regresará!!

Jueves, 25 de octubre, 2:10pm: Yo, en el cuarto, la caja enfrente mio, último vez en su casa diciéndole a ella ''adiós''...

Algunos hombres, señores, toman su caja encima de sus hombros.. viéndola que se la llevan de su casa al cementerio.. ahhh!!

Caminando al cementerio después de la ceremonia en la Iglesia Catholica, y Mormona...

Mucha gente caminando a la par tuya.. Yo: Destrozada, caminando, sintiéndome tan sola, mi familia allí  y en frente de mi Iglesia, una dama vino, me abrazo, y se quedo conmigo, al menos como 2 cuadras.. No lo sé, pero un tanto, me hizo sentir un poquito mejor.

LA PARTE MÁS DURA: Luego que mis parientes, mi familia dijo algunas palabras.. vi alrededor  ningún mi amigo.. tal vez, solo gente que conozco, y algunos amigos de mi familia, y gente que nunca antes había visto..

Respire profundamente, luego, llegó la hora de decir adiós a mi hermosa, bella Mamagüisha.. Mi corazón palpitaba rápidamente.. Yo, y mi hermano fuimos a su caja y toque su mano por última vez, vi su hermoso rostro, la vi, y pensé: ''¡Oh Mamagüisha.. ya no puedo..!'' le dije, aunque sabia que ella ya no me escuchaba, pero, le dije, TE QUIERO... y empecé a llorar, y vi como ellos enteraban a mi bisabuelita...

Me quedé cuándo estaba solo mi familia, y algunos tios, y mis primos.. me quede allí  como un palo.. sin hacer o decir nada.. solo pensando y pensando...

Después que ellos terminaron todo, y de arreglar la tumba, ponerle flores y todo eso, era tiempo de irme.. Una y otra vez venían a mi mente las palabras que ella dijo dos días antes que la viera por ultima vez con vida.. Y fue la última vez cuándo le dije a ella, ''La Quiero Mamagüisha'' y ella me escuchó... Ese día ella dijo ''No, me están dejando sola, no, no me dejen, todos  se van'' y ella estaba llorando.. Oh Dios! Tan solo recordar eso, y mis lagrimas empiezan a caer sobre mi rostro... 

Bueno, fue tan difícil irme de dónde ella yacía . ese frió  y día gris.. lloviendo en mi corazón-.. Si! Ese día  cuando mi vida entera cambio de algún modo... Sus palabras en mi mente.. y no la quería dejar sola, allí en esa tumba tan fría, donde dejaba algo muy valioso para mi, mi Mamagüisha...

Finalmente, mi mamá me dijo, ''Queren, es hora de irnos.. vamonos ' Respire profundamente, y me fui  Desde ese día, nunca he ido a su tumba.

Después de eso, no ha sido fácil aceptar que se fué,... creo que aún no lo he aceptado.. Tengo todavía esos días grises, por ejemplo, cada 24 y 25 para mi son duros.. o cualquier día  viene la melancolía por mi bisabuelita...

Pero, yo sé, ella esta descansando, ella algún dia, y es mi esperanza, se levantará, la miraré, la abrazaré, y la besaré en la mejilla, decirle que la amo mucho, y que ella sepa cuán duro fué para mi...

Por ahora ella esta durmiendo profundamente, ella no siente y no esta en el cielo, ni en el infierno...

Aunque la extraño demasiado!! De veras lo hago, pero sé que ella ya no esta sufriendo.. Así que, mi bisabuelita, como le decíamos sus bis-nietos, sus nietos, sus hijos, le decíamos ''Mamagüisha'' TE AMO!! y lloro, tengo días horribles sin ti, pero Yo TE AMO, DE VERAS TE AMO!! y nunca, nunca te olvidaré, Te Amo!

(No tengo una fotografía con ella, porque lastimosamente, se perdieron.. diablos! pero, lo mas importante, la tengo en mi corazón)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0NCdx3eTlQ&feature=share&list=FLFAwMJmSL8anYGp_V0Lgagg

(esa canción me describe mucho)

El dolor de una perdida...

Well, and i came back again, after 3 months, withouth writing anything here...

A lot of things had change in my life... 

I wanted to write this blog entry, and in spanish too.. 

maybe to take out from me all my feelings...

those feelings when someone that you loved

passed away... (god! It's so hard just say it) or it could be for some people too, the lost of a friendship, but it could be also a lost of a pet,  or something that you considered, really valious to you...

Even when you know that it was to happened some day..

Even when you haven't accepted of all that she/he left after hours, days,  months, years!

This feeling when you found yourself, crying, wiping those tears

waking up, and find the reality,

get up, but you don't want to... 

When all night you was tinking about it and having sleept well..

You feel tired, sad, melancholic, and want to take all to the sh**

this feeling, when your world comes down...

Even when i have a hope, but this hope, just leave you...

You have to get up and go to work, but you don't want to.

Neither to be at home and get more depress, and empty...

This feeling when you think nobody else understands you,

When you want to be alone, but, you don't want to!

When you don't want to talk, but maybe you want...

but, is impossible descript all these feelings.. because is just, imporssible!!!

Maybe, it's so hard, and it will continue to be hard..

Yeah, I'm talking about these lost, for me, this person who passed away on 24 of octuber of 2012.

Last days, aaaaahh!! Too hard.. Too painful.. 

Last days when i wanted to say her that I really have loved her alll my life...

Last days when i just wanted to be with her...

Last days when my conscience told me, that i should spend more time with her...

Last days when every little memory comes to your mind...

Last days when you feel guilty of something... even you don't know what it is...

yes, those last days.. when you know is close.. you don't want to.. and you will pass trhough that... wanted or not...

Then, You receive the call, in the moment less expected, you find yourself alone, crying, or not, you don't know what to do... that morning, at 1:28.. Listining from my sister those words that I never wanted listened any day of my stupid life... that call.. is there.. the reality now, and you think, WHY?? and you start to sorry: why i didn't go to see her yesterday?? and you start to think, you don't know if cry, or whattt?? you feel so desesperaly, you feel you world comes down.. a mix of feeling, there together.. 

Then, is the moment.. you don't want to... there's all the family, some crying, other confusing, and others, just like nothing.. you see your closer relatives, and coming to the room where she is... 

There's my grandparents, my uncles, my mom's uncle there... 

My beautifull great- grand ma, there, laying on her bed where she rest... 

I stay at some corner of the room.. just seeing her... with a sheet covering her body...

''Oh my mamagüisha!!, how could.. no! this couldn't happening.. no! God please!'' thinking on my mind.. 

In my silence, my mind was thinking, and thinking whyyy? even i know that it was to happen...

That was really hard.. then, I just stay and yeah, I cried, but I didn't know how to feel.. 

I sent 1 text to a 2 very close friend.. and some how, I felt a little, just a bit, better.. 

I helped my family, went with my grandmom, mom, sis, dad, and others to buy thing that was to use to the wake (?) (velorio)... thinking in the way all that.. I couldn't smile all that morning, and I saw some people laughing, I thought, how can they laugh, and smile when she passed away? when i won't be able to come to her house, and give her a hug, and visit her?? howwwww?? 

Then, in the afternoon, some people coming to the funeral, and me just wanted dissapear, I didn't know how to feel.. still today, I don't know how to feel this...

I went home, and i couldn't sleep well.. 

NEXT DAY: oooh God!! Hardest day ever.. The funeral... I never, never in my life had felt that feeling.. when you see, last day she will be in her house.. last day of life..!! I mean, she'll never come back !! 

Thursday 25 of octuber 2:10pm: me, in the room, the coffin in front of you, last time at home saying her ''good bye'' ... 

Men, take the coffin on their shoulders.. watching take her from her home to the cementary.. ahhh!!

Walking to the cementary after a ceremony in Catholic church, and Mormon's Church...

A lot of people next to you, walking.. Me: destroy, walking, feeling so lonely, my family there, and in front of my church, there a lady came, hug me, and stay with me at least 2 blocks.. thank her a lot.. 

THE HARDEST PART:  after my relatives, my family said some words.. I saw around, any friend mine.. maybe just people who I know, and a few family friends, and people I have never seen..

I take a deep breath, then the time to say goodbye to my beautiful Mamagüisha..   My heart was beating fast.. Me, and my bro went to her cuffin and I touched her hand for last time, saw her beautifull face, I saw her, and thought, Oh Mamagüisha.. I can't anymore.. (in my mind) i said her, I knew she didn't listen to anymore, but I said her, I LOVE YOU... I started to cry, and saw how do they boried my great-grand mom...

I stay when there was just my family, and some uncles with my cousins.. I stay there, as a stick.. Withouth do anything.. Just thinking and thinking...

After they finished all, and decorating her tumb, was the time to leave.. Again and again came to my mind some words that she said 2 days after I saw her last time in life.. And that was the last time when I said her ''I love you Mamagüisha'' and she heard me.. That day she said ''no, you are leaving me alone, no, don't leave me'' and she was crying.. Oh god, just remember that, and my tears again weaping on my face...

So, you can understand how difficult was leave from her tumb, that cold day, gray, and rainy at my heart... Yes, that day when all my entire life changed some how... Her words in my mind.. and I didn't want left her alone, there, in the cold grave.. 

Finally, my mom said me, ''Queren it's time.. let's go'' so, take a deep pretty deep breath, and left. Since that day, i haven't gone to her grave anymore.

So, after that, it wasn't easy to accept her dead.. I think I haven't accept it yet... I still have those gray days, every 24, and 25 are hard.. or any day, came the melancholyc...

But, I know, she is resting, she some day, and is my hope, i will see her, i will hug her, and i will kiss her on the check, say her how much i love her, that she knows how painful was that for me, but, i will have her in front of me, and we will laugh...

For now, she is in a deep dream, she doesn't feel, she is not in heaven, neither in hell...

Althought i miss her a pile!! I really do, but I know she doesn't suffer anymore.. so, My great gran mom, as you great-grand sons, grand sons, sons, we said to you ''Mamagüisha'' I LOVE YOU!! And I cry, I have a terrible days withouth you, but I LOVE YOU, I REALLY LOVE YOU!! and, I never will forget you, NEVER!! Te Amo!

(I don't have a pic with her, because lastimosamente, they lost .. dmmnt! but, i have her in my heart)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0NCdx3eTlQ&feature=share&list=FLFAwMJmSL8anYGp_V0Lgagg

(this song describes me a lot)

Love YOU!!

My heart stops ...
I know, you will gone..
i never thought how painful it could be..
even though, that's the cruel reality..
and, what are we to decide what it will?
if, you are the only person, who knows,
who feels,
who is in this situation..
but, you aren't who decide..
many people will say, ''when it will the thank of god''
sorry, but i say: This is the rule of life!
we born, we live, and we died..
is that no? if you have other better, let me know..
Come onnnnnnnnn!!
¡¡how much did you teach me!!
¡¡how much did you Love me!!
today, my tears say what my mouth doesn't..
they say what my hearts feels..
and you said me ''I love you''
I just know, ''I love YOU!!
just your rememberings stay here..
even your fisic hot left,
your love is in my heart..
the world lives, you don't..
I know...
now, just see your shadow,
I wait for you soon,
I'll kiss you..
I'll hug you so strong,
this time i wont let you go
that's for sure..

''Is ironic, when you don't exist anymore, they exist for you''

listening the only exception and  starting to write this 'entrada' , there's nobody able to talk with today.. and i really want to take this strange feeling out of me... as you see i don't feel so good in general..

yes, i know is friday! and what? for me is just another day to have my heart breaking..

i wrote just weeks or last month a poem for people who sleep on dead.. 

is so ironic that i will pass this situation, i'm pretty scary and i think in this every single day!

 this is the thing, and i know probably many of you will  disagree with me, but, if there's a person, who you really love from the bottom of your heart, you don't want this person suffer anymore.. well, my Great-grand mom is suffering so much, she's in her last days, i know, and is really hard to write this, *con un nudo en la garganta* and i just doon't want her suffer more, but i'm not wishing she passes away, but i just want if there's something i could do.. be in her shoes.. and be ''me'' who suffers instead of her.. maybe, the best is she rest.. but i feel selfish coz, I DON'T WANT that.. 

aaaa!! 2 days ago we went to see her, and we talked with her, was so so hard, i feel almost crying, although many were crying, i don't like to cry in front of people, so i decided to be strong in front of her, now, she is blind, almost doesn't hear, and she doesn't recognize, then you need to say your name in a higher voice, and if you told her a history she will remember.. i told her that she had taught us many things.. many rememberings we have and i really apreciatte that.. i was so scared when i told her all that, she started ''ya no aguanto'' and crying so strong.. 

yes,!! she was strong woman, she is great example as a person, that maybe hadn't the best life, she lived happy, pese a todo.. i really admire her, and i will admire her all my entire life! 

with tears on my eyes, i'm writing this.. is not at all easy and be here.. i have feelings that never will go, i know, and is just.. AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't explain and i just aaaaaaaaa

i want i want i waaaaaaaaaaant .. i don't know what i want.. 

i don't want stop writing and feeling again what i feeel.. i don't want see her cry again, i don't want she suffer anymore, I DON'T WANT SHE PASSES AWAY...........!!!! because I LOVE HER!!

''ES IRÓNICO, CUANDO YA NO EXISTES, EXISTEN PARA TI''
''IS ironic, when you don't exist anymore, they exist for you''

when i don't exist, then you exist to me.. Ironic!

seeing you that day,
pretty good looking as every day
even knowing it was the last day
i could see you..
and my heart will miss you
my arms will feel empty withouth you
that day, that smile rooted in my heart
taking out tears, and remembers
I ? Forget you?
Never!!
if you were, not the only person that i Love,
but, yes, that person that understood me
that person that was next to me
to dry my tears
to hug me when i needed
and see the reality,
 you wont be more !
many people say,
''i say you bye, but you are in my heart''
what if i don't want?
please! wake me up!
i don't want to be in this nightmare more!
tell me everthing is a lie
and come to comfort  me..
i wont let you go
but you left me already..

people I'm just 19!!

today, in my english class, my english teacher did an exercise, about pronostics.. the excersice was about, if we can know the answers to some questions.. what they will do?

my questions were:

* will i have any children?

*how will my family look like in 30 years?

*will i have been in other country? (considering the fact that i would love to travel, if i get multimillionare, or even if i have some money haha)

* how will i be in 30 years?

*i don't remember the other ahhaha

I could say to the first one, that if i get married, and (as now I say) i don't want to have children, so, if someone who can predilecte the future tell me now that i will have, i don't know, 4, or 8 or any number, i could'nt  believe it! i mean, I DON'T WANT to have CHILDREN!! yes, i'd like to adopt, but, now? i'm just 19 !! (how did i finish talking about this?) and guess what? (it was just a game but, anyways) my partner said me that i will have 2 boys and 2 girls hahaha and this make me feel writing this or ask me this..

why people so longed (?) to have a boyfriend, or a girlfriend?? and i read about the article of Michelle (if you read this, Michelle, it was pretty interesting your article to take your words here is a honor) ''i'm sick of waiting for love'' she said there:

''I think we all want to find that one person who ‘gets us’. Who will silently sit by our side if we’re sad. Who will fall about the place laughing at the same things we find pee-your-pants funny. Who will bring us a hot drink when we’re feeling unwell. Who will spontaneously tell us we’re beautiful. Who will gently set us straight if we’re not seeing things clearly. Who we can share our stories with. Who will encourage us to get out there & chase our dreams. Who will know how to pleasure us Right There.

And moreover, who will inspire all that in us. Who will make our heart skip a beat when we see them. Who will motivate us to be a better human being.''***

(dimn it! why i didn't wrote that??) haha

and i'm talking about this because, . in 19 years , i never had a boyfriend, and is just the case, the sake of loving, what's the point in that? many people look at me, ask me, Do you have a boyfriend? and sometimes, a little 'tomatoe girl'  (if is a hard work for me to be one) i answer that 'nups' (voice kind of shy) and many for my age have had many! and i mean hundreds!! maybe, but, for me i don't care now (before yes), why will i have a boyfriend now, if i don't want get married yet? why should i feel embarrased if i don't have one? maybe you'll take me as someone 'classic' but, that's how I am you know? 

of course, as michelle wrote, sometimes you want to have someone next to you, sometimes is just our instint of humans to have someone, to love someone..

 i can't have a conclusion about that... People, i'm 19!! haha and writing this hahaha.. 

i lost my cause of write this.. haha (ups)! 

by the way, he pronosticed (?) i'll be a successful woman, i will be in other countries, and my family look like as indians hahahha *sorry for you family 

 *****  http://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/being-single-and-waiting-for-love/ ***

other poems? a short ones =D

-sometimes, is just a need to be here..
sometimes, is just the need to love you and be here to you..
other times is just so necessary to go and hug you here
and these times, is when i reclaim for your arms right here
also for your lips on mine..
your arms on me
your heart with me!
Quiero crear, algo especial, entre tu y yo...
Quiero crear, algo especial, entre tu y yo...

-Queren

queria verte en mis mañanas despertar

abrazarte y sentirte  amar

¿prometerme que no me ibas a dejar?

¿mentirme en tu solido desamor?

olvidarte y ya no recordar

como podré ahora, si ya no doy más?

-Queren

Solo tu y yo amor...

Quiero saber el porque de tus porques..

Quiero sincronizar, mi amor con el tuyo..

Quiero romper cualquier barrera de orgullo..

Quiero tu lealtad apegada a mi...

Quiero sentir tus alegrias,

Quiero llorar tus tristezas.

Quiero tan solo que seas tu mismo, conmigo.

Quiero sentirte asi como tu me sientes.

Quiero ese amor incondicional.

Quiero ese amor entre tu y yo.

-Queren

could we call this a 'Poem?'

Mañanas de melancolía:

 hoy me deje llevar por la persuación de tu sonrisa.. 

mas estas  lagrimas que ves caer no son para ti.. ni por ti.. 

al arder los rayos de la mañana sobre tu rostro

solo me queda .. esperar un abrazo tuyo

aun mis brazos te reclamen lo mucho que me quieres

mis labios te reclaman tan solo un recuerdo tuyo..

¿quede en el olvido?

¿quede tan solo para ser una que fue?

perdiendo todo lo que yo he sido para ti

mas no olvidando todo lo que tu fuiste para mi

¿quien por mi para secar estas lagrimas?

¿quien por mi para acompañarme en el café?

¿quien por mi en las tristes mañanas?

el sol oponiéndose..

la brisa cayendo sobre las hojas de los arboles

 el resplandor sobre las hojas con la brisa

y esperando que tu brazo me rodee en mi cuello

tu cálido aliento llevando tu boca hacia la mía

y caer el la realidad que tu no estas aquí..

mañanas con melancolías.. 

tan solo eso me dejaste hoy..

-Queren

Melancholic mornings:

today i left me away for the persuacion of your smile
but these tears that you see falling down are not for you. even because of you
on burning the sunlight of the morning on your face
just I can only .. i wait for a hug yours
even my arms reclaimed how much do you love me
my lips reclaimed just a remeber yours
do i stay in forgetten?
do i stay jut to be one that I was?
losing everthing that you were to me
who for me to dry these tears?
who for me to be next to me in the coffee?
who for me in the sad mornings?
the sun setting down
the breeze falling on the sheets of the trees
the shining on the sheets with the breeze
and waiting that your arms sorrounded my neck
your warm breath taking your mouth to mine..
and fall in the reality that you are'nt here
melancoly's mornings
just that you left here...

fidelity/loyalty.. any in this world.. to me

I will share something that for me is a sensible topic... (and well.. nobody reads my blog so.. haha) (yes.. you read my blog.. and thanks) (=p) is about fidelity/loyalty

fidelity definetion:

1. Faithfulness to obligations, duties, or observances.

2. Exact correspondence with fact or with a given quality, condition, or event; accuracy.

3. Fidelity implies the unfailing fulfillment of one's duties and obligations and strict adherence to vows or promises: fidelity to one's spouse.


Loyalty definetion:

1. Loyalty implies a steadfast and devoted attachment that is not easily turned aside: loyalty to an oath; loyalty to one's family.

Mom's dad.. (grandfather) (**he doesn't deserve that word, because for me is not worthy to him)

he got marry with my grandma (favorite grandma) a pic here =D

Maria and Julio

 i remember.. when we were children with my siblings

we liked to visit my mom's grandphas.. such a nice times those...  since i was i don't remember pretty good but, like 5  or something like that .. we stayed at their home also with my uncles.. and i really enjoy that time

my grandma 'tortiaba' obviously tortillas (very famous in guatemala) 

(these are like yellow)

anyways.. we liked to eat those   and  sometimes i helped her with my sis (of course, mine were awfuuuuuul! i can't do that.. even that i'm guatemalan.. such embarrased =S) (=D) (but i still eat them haha) 

well.. but in those times I noticed the feelings of my grandma (althought she hide us those things.. because we were just her littles grandchildren..) (and still hide us when she cries) (at least to me) and then i discovered why she acted in that way.. because there wasn't loyalty from my mom's dad... that's was so hard for my grandma.. when i was 11 i decided don't talk to my mom's dad .. it was so obviously and my parents talk with me.. that stuff.. blah.. then i had to talk to him and years laters the things change.. but this year he became so sick.. and cut a foot's toe.. my grandma (the best grandma) care of him in all that.. and then he again did the same.. how could a person do that when is seeing the reality, his wife care of him, work for him, was there in the hospital every day for 1 month and then check every day that, paid for that, still doing a lot of things, and take him with to check that in the hospital, and he just cheating on her.. ??? how can someone do that? (i don't talk more with my mom's dad and limit my greetings to good morning/afternoon/night) and my grandma.. wanted kill herself.. so hard ha? 

then ,  i knew about my aunt's husband did the same.. he left them (my two cousins and my aunt) (my favorite cousins by the way) . well...  any call anything.. (she's very attached to our family) so we tried to help her in that difficult sittuation.. then he came back..(4 months later) and last november, he left. Sorry, but for me, He's not a man. He is a basura of person.  since that.. i don't talk with him ..   again.. there wasn't loyalty from him..

i mean.. i don't care about the life of others persons.. althought they are my family.. the people who i love! the people who really interest me.. the people for whom I could give my life.. and if someone hurts them.... is just..

for me.. infidelity is in many marrieges also in friendships.. .. well.. that's the reality.. i don't know what they think.. if some day i get marry.. I will be loyal, and hope return that..

for me.. ''perfect love'' exists.. but ''perfect persons'' there's any.. 

Life of vegetarians..

People often point to same food item and ask me ''can you eat this?" It's a concern for many people become a vegetarian person. And it could be, maybe because they are not well informed about what a vegetarian is, what does that involve. As a result, they have a bad concept about it. Should you be a vegetarian? Luckily, all of us have freedom to decide on our life.

Sometimes, it can be really good... you feel good with yourself... Howewer, at some point, when people start to judge you, it can be really hard..

I can sopport all that stuff.. while my consience it's ok!

when I start with this (my bro was the fist who started with this stuff) (and i copied him haha) .. my family was woried about it... why? well.. many can say that to have  a vegetarian life  can take  many risks. To take as exaple that many say that a vegetarian is 'frequently sick' or not having the ''enough vitamins, proteins" and all that stuff. Of course, if you don't have a good alimentation plan, that will be the results. Like if you eat meat, you eat junk food, so your diet is not good, your body will deliver bill sooner or later.

 In my case, I am a type of vegetarian: lacto-ovo-vegetarians. People who do not eat beef, pork, poultry, fish, shellfish or animal flesh of any kind, but do eat eggs and dairy products (“lacto” comes from the Latin for milk, and “ovo” for egg).

My uncle often ask me about what will I do if I want to have ''children'' he said me that is not so good if you don't eat meat, because your child can be born sick or something like that (altought is the same if you eat meat.. you can get many 'microbios' because no always is everthing safe and health) And is comprobed... is better a life withouth meat! For me this is not a problem because I don't want to have children (many people say that my toughts would change when i will be ''mature'' hahaha What I think is already I am mature) :D 


There are proubs that is not always good to eat meat .. i mean. you are eating the ''flesh'' of other 'ser vivo'... Animals, just for be animals, doesn't mean they don't have feelings, and they don't feel the pain... Worse when ' humans' treat them bad .. like this video when they test products in animals.. or because of our guilty, so ''we wear'' clothes . . i couldn't resit my tears fall to watch the video and for be honest i couldn't sopport to watch the whole video .. :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QocBMSvLpZs

because only a miserable person hits a defenseless animal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=qv3hJm1ETlM


The really is that sometimes i became angry... I mean, I can't force a person to be a vegetarian, but ¡BE RESPETOUS WITH ANIMALS! they don't deserve someone who treats them bad .. someone  who will use only to kill and merciless .. i don't know how humans can do that.. It's really hard.. humans can deffense by themselves.. but animals? they just can't!

As i talked with my friend, he said: "Would I kill an animal with my own hands? Can my person allows me to do that and then just cook it and eat it?  If I can't do it, why I would let a person kill an animal for me?"

just.. as difficult it can be.. as simply we can think it is..

this weeks i have thinking a lot of stuff..  what the hell is passing trough my mind.. ? i don't know.. sometimes we can belive many things are easy.. stuffs like choose what clothes you will wear.. what are your friends doing... worring about pass tests, exams, .. do something , go out of our daily routine.. ''darle la vuelta al mundo''  or think about the boy who likes you.. or you like him.. make a good joke.. what we are going to do next day.. and    stuff who is not really important.. and things more harder that impact in our heart.. in our life.. in our thoughts.. simply cuestions.. that envolves more than we think...

like last month.. i was watching on fb (yes.. i like fb.. and see what they write.. i mean.. we can learn something..)
anyways.. i say a status it was something like this.. ''we can't judge a person,  we can't say to the fat, ''don't eat too much and you will be thin'' say to the anorexic ''eat'' say to the depress one ''don't be sad, 'supéralo'''

it just doesn't work as it.. i mean.. we are hummans.. who don't have mistakes? we are imperfects..

 this is so true.. we can think it's easy.. howewer when you are anorexic, deppresive, or with overweight, bipol?  and sustent those comentaries makes you feel like in other world.. makes you feel stress.. sometimes want to be ''normal'' but.. I ask myself.. what is NOrmal???? each person has their talents.. each person has their passions.. each person has what they want, what they get because of the ''destiny'' (i don't believe in destiny) so .. i think there no 'exist'' a ''normal''  either  ..  what a person ''WAS'' no a person what ''CAN BE'' just.. as simply that is.. WHAT A PERSON IS... and when you see what are you.. then you can see that

free in what way? don't ask me.. i don't have any Idea!!


♪ ''tu no puedes comprar el tiempo.. tu no puedes comprar el sol tu no puedes comprar la lluvia tu no puedes comprarel calor las nubes los colores  tu no puedes comprar mi alegría.. tu no puedes comprar mis dolores..''  '' tu no puedes comprar MI VIDA'' ♪

♪''you can't buy the time.. you can't buy the sun.. you can't buy the rain. you can't buy the hot .. you can't buy the clouds... you can't buy my joy.. you can't buy my pains.. '' ''you can't buy MY LIFE'' ♪
-calle 13

learning Persian

My favorite person to learn Persian is:

 Behram

well this boy i met him by ''speak english today'' it's pretty handsome haha .. but beside that.. he's after my bro my other ''best friend'' we call each other he's my BRO.. and I'm his ''SIS'' we talked (chat or call) almost every day.. (i practice a lot my english with him) today he defended me!

it's pretty difficult perssian but, i'm learning.. i can say ''SALAM''(hola) , ''doset beseyar Khob'' (un amigo agradable) (a nice friend) i forgot that i was written in spanish ahhaha ups, ENglish.. haha and also ''ESMA MAN QUEREN''(my name is queren) CHETORÍ (como estas) BALE (yes) Na (no) Merci (thanks) and i could said him today this:

Berader, doset beseyar khab ''dooset daran'' (te quiero) ♥

awwwww.. am I not so cutee? of course! hehe..

and he always remember.. like when we talked and i said just for the sake of saying .. bla.. bla.. bla.. so now, when we don't have any to day he says 'bla bla bla' =D

He's my brother and I love him although we're so far away... :D

I'm very thankful for all those person who helps my with my goal of learning languages.
:D

drawing =D

well .. one of the things that  i love to do is .. DRAWING!!! here's one of my artistics drawing:

awesome ha?

haha of course that is not from me!! this is from me:

yes! that's mine..

it's about i don't know.. my toughts.. and where it says ''my love 4 ever'' is my little dog who passed away last year.. yes.. extremely sad.. so i pick up that thought from my mind and print in this sheet of paper =D

i'm just do duddles but i want to draw pretty well.. who teachs me????????' =D =D =p

little toughts

''Just one song can take me back to that certain memory and bring a smile on my face or bring tears to my eyes... ♥ Lori''


From here, all are mine: (enjoy them :D )

'' Thoughts going through my mind, cross my heart and remain in silence with my feelings''

♪ Twinkle twinkle little star.. hide me deeper into your arms ♪ (Modifiquied)

 ''Lapicero en mano.. mente sin palabras/ pensamientos.. solo tu recuerdo ='/''

 ''Me volví a enamorar de la vida.. recobre la confianza en mi misma.. me elevo tan solo pensar y aun sin decir siento!.''

''Que mejor talento... Que el quererte''

''Cuando palabras no existen en mi... eres tu el que entiende mi silencio."

''Me gustaría que fuera ese día... Cuando un recuerdo nos daba una sonrisa... Cuando esa sonrisa nos unía... Cuando un susto llevaba a un abrazo... Cuando ese abrazo significaba todo... cuando te conocía."

''Tu escuchas lo que mi mente dice, tu sientes lo que mi corazón siente''

''Sueños.. aveces se cumplen, otras no... Esperanza es todo lo que tenemos ahora.''

"Recibiendo la vida en resumido tiempo, quedando plasmados en un libro tus sentimientos..."

''El día lluvioso, relámpagos cayendo, y mi corazón derritiéndose''

''Pensamientos que pasan por mi mente, atraviesan mi corazón y quedan en el silencio junto con mis sentimientos.''

Books Readen

In my thing of  learning English, I found very helpful reading english books. :D You should try if you're learning a new language! Learn books in that language! :D

A copilation of books that I have readen, let's start with the first one: 

 This book talks about a whore house and I think ''April'' had troubles with i don't know what thing.. so she asked for help to (i can't remember the name)  (I forget everthing LOL)  well finally, there's where everthing beggins :D well you need read it!!! =p it's so interestinnnnnnng.. i really loved it!! 

The second book (wich i finished just one week ago) :

I can say.. OMG!! pretty pretty gooooood.. It's about a girl who is mentally ''ill'' so they get to a phisiquiatric hospital.. She lives in her world of ''yri'' with lactameon... In this hospital, she tells all her stories about it. At the end she gets involve in a mixture of feeling, where sometimes she has control on it, sometimes she just doesn't. 
So far, this have been my favorite book, although it took me almost 3 months to finish it!! but con esmera y aplicacion (and google translate/queren translate) YOU CAN!!! =D =D

by the way.. i will start other one.. is called ''the diary of (no is not anne frank)  Melanie Martin'' my friend Deborah (i met her in maximo when she was my first conversation partner) (a great person, and now my friend =D) she said me that she used to read it when she was pretty young or a child i think.. so the vocabulary is easy (i think reading ''i never promised you a rose garden'' with that hard vocabulary i can say i wont need ''google translate'') WROOOONG!! i used already in the 3 prhase haha and i use it each time that i read it!! =0 I get frusted with myself and become angry when i don't want translate into spanish but i don't understand the sense of what i'm reading.. or i'm pretty distracted? .. if this is not the word i invented it!! don't sorprise.. when i don't know a word.. i associate with spanish.. like when my friend heidi (from canada) didn't know about how to say ''espuma'' (for hair) i said her ''spum''ah ah! Queren wrong!! when instead of ''spum'' is ''mush''? wait.. ''muse''!? or whatever .. so .. i will read it and finished soooooooon!! =D

guuuuuuuuessssss what????'
HIP HIP HURRAY!!!

 i finished read it just 2 minuts ago!!

it was pretty funny and sometimes silly (but silly funny) (when i write i'm pretty silly too) anyways.. i could find myself sometimes in the words of Melanie's thoughts.. in the first pages i read and looked for the 'missing?' words but, then i just didn't  need more google translate haha (even don't understanding many things) but I was kind of lazy =D i post on fb haha i will start another one.. is called about a phischiatryc stuff.. =D

soooo on. =D =D happy happy as the twinkle star =D