''Is ironic, when you don't exist anymore, they exist for you''

listening the only exception and  starting to write this 'entrada' , there's nobody able to talk with today.. and i really want to take this strange feeling out of me... as you see i don't feel so good in general..

yes, i know is friday! and what? for me is just another day to have my heart breaking..

i wrote just weeks or last month a poem for people who sleep on dead.. 

is so ironic that i will pass this situation, i'm pretty scary and i think in this every single day!

 this is the thing, and i know probably many of you will  disagree with me, but, if there's a person, who you really love from the bottom of your heart, you don't want this person suffer anymore.. well, my Great-grand mom is suffering so much, she's in her last days, i know, and is really hard to write this, *con un nudo en la garganta* and i just doon't want her suffer more, but i'm not wishing she passes away, but i just want if there's something i could do.. be in her shoes.. and be ''me'' who suffers instead of her.. maybe, the best is she rest.. but i feel selfish coz, I DON'T WANT that.. 

aaaa!! 2 days ago we went to see her, and we talked with her, was so so hard, i feel almost crying, although many were crying, i don't like to cry in front of people, so i decided to be strong in front of her, now, she is blind, almost doesn't hear, and she doesn't recognize, then you need to say your name in a higher voice, and if you told her a history she will remember.. i told her that she had taught us many things.. many rememberings we have and i really apreciatte that.. i was so scared when i told her all that, she started ''ya no aguanto'' and crying so strong.. 

yes,!! she was strong woman, she is great example as a person, that maybe hadn't the best life, she lived happy, pese a todo.. i really admire her, and i will admire her all my entire life! 

with tears on my eyes, i'm writing this.. is not at all easy and be here.. i have feelings that never will go, i know, and is just.. AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't explain and i just aaaaaaaaa

i want i want i waaaaaaaaaaant .. i don't know what i want.. 

i don't want stop writing and feeling again what i feeel.. i don't want see her cry again, i don't want she suffer anymore, I DON'T WANT SHE PASSES AWAY...........!!!! because I LOVE HER!!

''ES IRÓNICO, CUANDO YA NO EXISTES, EXISTEN PARA TI''
''IS ironic, when you don't exist anymore, they exist for you''